Here is the entire IHATRCT CONTEST:
CONTEST WINNER ANNOUNCED
Nogood Boyo for his poem:
The email offered me ‘pr0n’
if I’d only download its .com
I fucked the disk drive
’til my poor dick was fried,
and still, I wasn’t turned on.
But a super special iheardaboutthisreallycoolthing second prize go to Zipco for his stunningly lyric limerick that was actually going to win.
It was this one:
I once knew a girl named Margaret,
and when digging around in her split
i found a surprise,
buried tween silky thighs
some balls and an eleven inch clit.
Remember, Mob, how I texted you that Zipco was gonna win? Well that sucks because I never meant to promise anything. But if Nogood is unable to fulfill his winningness in any way, Zipco gets the crown. Shout-outs to Katie for getting the ball rolling with her devastating Hilary Clinton poem. I felt that one. It was multi-layered. All the other entries were great too but most were written by members of Al Qaeda.
Yours inside Legend’s God,
Lawless (I Am Ascendancy)
Hey Sweet Things!
We got over two thousand hits in a single day. Now we want to give something back to you, the person who we care for and want to be with sexually. To celebrate we’re running a Dirty Limerick Contest! Prepare to be hazed!
Ok here’s what we want/need:
- Write a limerick. Make it dirty. You don’t have to mention Roberts. Then post the limerick in the comments under this blog entry. You can submit as many as you want. If your dirty limerick is the best dirty limerick, you win prizes!
- PRIZES:
-
- Posting rights on this blog for one day! We’ll show you how. It’s easy, and thousands of people will see how cool you can be when you’re in a DROID ARMY. If you don’t want posting rights but want the t-shirt or mug then we’ll just give you the t-shirt or mug.
- The IHATRCT mug if the winner is a girl.
- The IHATRCT Golf Shirt if it’s a boy. The reason for this difference in the prizes is that we don’t like the girl’s shirts on Café Press.
- AND your limerick will be published in The Dick Pig Review! Which is a living, breathing, beautiful, sophisticated, New Yawk literary and arts magazine filled with brilliance (brilliants).
- Post the limerick in THIS comments section. It’s that easy. You can post as yourself or as a pseudonym but you should probably identify yourself to us at some point if you win.
- Here’s what a limerick is:
On s’étonne ici que Caliste
Ait pris l’habit de Moliniste
Puisque cette jeune beauté
Ote à chacun sa liberté
N’est-ce pas une Janseniste?
Or:
There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it.
While wiping his chin,
He said with a grin,
“If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it.”
This contest will be judged by Amy “Where’d You Get That Blanket?” Lawless and F. Alexander “I’m Afraid of People” Smith. We will be sober when we do so. Believe it or not we actually hang out and get coffee and talk about epistemology and ontology. We don’t just get shitfaced and watch the Brown Bunny blowjob scene.
We’ll wait till we get either 50 limericks or 3 weeks have passed, whichever happens first.
And as Dean Martin said ““If people want to think I get drunk and stay out all night, let ‘em. That’s how I got here, you know.”
God Speed to all of ye.
CONTESTANTS
Thanks guys. It was all worth it.
-
The Droid Army Talks
lordvore on it’s been a while… Konri on Lindsay’s Vagina katrina on Penis Vs. Vagina Rancid Tit on Ellie Idol: NAKED AS A PU… Dude1 on Lindsay’s Vagina
July 19th, 2007 at 7:53 pm editA pickle’s the smell of a nickel.
A syphilitic penis makes trickle.
The lover of pickles
eats crippl-y cripples
And who knew that people were fickle?
July 19th, 2007 at 7:56 pm editThe taste in her legs caused alarm.
My swollen genitals disarmed.
I spattered and splurried
there was no great hurry
My penis may do them crabs harm!
July 19th, 2007 at 8:33 pm editThere once was a woman named Paris
Who grew up to have a small ass
But enter a limo
She threw thongs out the window
So snatchy say “cheez” for the cameras!
July 19th, 2007 at 10:51 pm editThere once was a soldier named Lynndie
Whose tastes sometimes leaned toward the Hindi
In Iraq one day
Her vagina did say:
“Impregnate my cootch while I whip you!”
July 19th, 2007 at 11:55 pm editMe mum, she comes from the Auld Sod
And she says as she yanks my wee rod:
“Sure and begorrah, my son
It’ll be a pint pulled once you’re done
Then I’ll show you where Angela’s gash is.”
July 19th, 2007 at 11:56 pm editThe ineluctable modality of my gas
May offend but the most hardy Lass
For when offered sausage and mash
And corned-beefy hash
Answered, Yes I said yes I will Yes!
July 21st, 2007 at 10:51 am editShe begged me to give her a gangbang,
So I strode to town where the whores hang –
Picked up thirty sluts
With pricks up their butts –
Brought home thirty billion crabs on my wang.
July 21st, 2007 at 11:29 am edit[…] Enter Our Contest, Win Prizes! […]
July 24th, 2007 at 4:44 pm editHey butthead, my name is Biff
For Chrissmas I got you a gif(t)
Fuck Marty McFly
I hope he will die
His ashes I one day will sniff.
July 27th, 2007 at 12:38 am edit[…] Enter Our Contest, Win Prizes! […]
July 27th, 2007 at 11:46 pm editMy ignorance outweighed by my pride,
We buried his corpse once he died.
When ‘is asshole fissured over
we ate it like Russell Stover
And suddenly corpse was the new black.
July 31st, 2007 at 11:40 am editMy pubis be covered with twine
The ring shan’t be found in time!
I approached Bilbo’s taut wood
Yanked him hard as I could
On bull balls and hobbits I dine!
August 7th, 2007 at 2:02 pm edit[…] Enter Our Contest, Win Prizes! […]
August 7th, 2007 at 6:57 pm editI’m liking what Gandelf say. He’s got style and sass! Come on gang! Improve on that shiz!
~Ascendancy
August 8th, 2007 at 11:32 am edit[…] Enter Our Contest, Win Prizes! […]
August 8th, 2007 at 4:10 pm editPresident Bush got AIDS
From a faggot Congressional page
Mark Foley, the martyr,
His penis got harder
The Republican party is gay
August 8th, 2007 at 4:11 pm editHill-Clin has pubic hair
Despite her usage of Nair
Her cock is all hidden
Her clitoris, lidded,
By a lengthy amount of despair
August 10th, 2007 at 12:01 pm edit(jesus, katie. that dispair thing almost made me cry.)
my dear mike, his last name was ock,
could suck his very own cock,
with his head in his head,
he’d dream he was dead
balls deep like a key in a lock.
i once knew a girl named margaret,
and when digging around in her split
i found a suprise,
buried tween silky thighs
some balls and an eleven inch clit.
i was born with a strange little twist
my cock could bend just like a wrist,
captan hook, doctor J
i pray for the day,
i’d leave the walls dry when i pissed
jim had a slight problem with drink,
and sticking it where it did stink,
gin blossoms and bumps
from brandy and runps
did cover the head of his dink.
my daughter’s quite a talented girl
a nine inch tounge she does unfurl
it shoots out like a gecko
and pronounces an echo
deepthroats and refuses to hurl
*ahem.* thank you.
-Zipper
August 10th, 2007 at 1:06 pm edit[…] Enter Our Contest, Win Prizes! […]
August 10th, 2007 at 2:50 pm editNow things are heating up.
August 10th, 2007 at 7:02 pm editMike Reilly,
A limerick has 5 lines….
-Amy
August 10th, 2007 at 9:34 pm editThe philosophers all play a part,
from Socrates down to Descartes.
The boys, they listen
to this fine tradition
that ends with a shit and a fart.
August 10th, 2007 at 9:37 pm editThe email offered me ‘pr0n’
if I’d only download its .com.
I fucked the disk drive
’til my poor dick was fried,
and still, I wasn’t turned on.
August 10th, 2007 at 9:47 pm editWhen you go for a walk in the snow
to the place where the tombstones grow,
dig a date with a shovel,
it’s a lot of trouble,
but at least she can’t say ‘no.’
August 10th, 2007 at 10:52 pm editSome men will take you to Paris,
and some men will make you an heiress.
But for a moustache ride
that tickles the thighs,
I’m equipped like Antonio Banderas.